216

[From  ]

216


I don’t know whether to hope that they’re still there, or that they left hours ago. My legs keep rushing me along, regardless of how many times I tell them to calm down and slow down. They won’t be there. How could they be there?
My father and some of the others have been searching. They must have found the spot. Barry wouldn’t have been stupid enough to stay past dawn. Maybe, though, maybe they left something, something for me to find.
Sage and I have never met, which seems impossible because I think I know him better than anyone--at least in some ways--but we didn’t really speak to each other. It might be better if it stays that way. Wouldn’t we be bound to have a connection? I have other plans, and I don’t want some strange adventure in the night to ruin them.
A tree root catches my foot, and I stumble. I’m nearly to the place. The air still smells faintly of wood smoke. Really, it’s that I feel like my life has changed. I’m not the same person today that I was last night in my room, worrying about my exam. With Barry and the others gone, though, I don’t know how to find out how I am different. Everything looks the same at home.

Then I find the trees that have been changed, blackened. Luckliy, it’s still cold, and their shade has protected deeper piles of snow around the trunks, but still, some are scorched and sooty, others now have one side that look like half-burned logs from a fireplace that have been replanted. I can see the indentations where the tents were, the footprints, and the blood.

So it really happened.

Part of me is relieved. Of course I’m relieved; isn’t it better to be sure, to let reality soak in like something spilled and red, seeping into the snow? On the other hand, I think that part of me made all of last night into a dream. Didn’t I wake up in my own bed, in my own room? How did I get there? Who carried me? And why did I faint? They must not have been worried about me, to leave me alone. If I had been in any real danger, they would have worried more, wouldn’t they?  

“I didn’t expect to see you here.”

I whip around, not screaming, but pretty close to it. Boron is there, just on the edge of the clearing. He looks completely out of place with black patent leather boots and a black wool overcoat. He should be on his way to a party or to church.

“Hello,” I manage to say. “What are you doing here?”

“I was part of the search,” he says, “and I came back because they left some things. I thought that they might wait until the main group was gone, and then double back.”

“Did you catch any of them?” I ask him, and as I do, I wonder what I want the answer to be.

“No. They had been gone for hours.” He walks over to pile that is mostly burned branches, but has cloth and a strap sticking out from the bottom. He bends down and picks up something small, and puts it in his pocket.”

“What did you find?” I ask him.

“It’s really quite amazing, isn’t it?” His voice sounds smooth, almost like the purr of a cat. “Such evil people so close to my house--well, and to yours too,” he says and waves his hand in my direction. “The government ought to do something about them once and for all.” He stares at the red-stained snow.

I don’t know what to say. Mentioning that I was here last night probably isn’t the right thing to say. Are they really criminals? It’s hard for me to think of them like that. They’re real people, not some vague bad guys. What would happen if the government does do something?  Barry and Sage in prison? Yarrow? And yet, what was it they were planning to do? I hadn’t thought to ask before. They managed enough of an explosion to leave the snow smeared with black and bits of ash. What if that had been Boron’s house? Or mine. Would they have hurt Mallee? What does an evil person look like?

“It’s unfortunate that it was only a pair of enforcers who found them. One’s dead--you knew that, didn’t you?”

I nod slowly, not trusting myself to speak.

“We’re lucky that they didn’t murder half of the zone.  I can’t believe that there were people like that in our own Terrace Hill, planning killings and robbery.” He takes a step closer to me. At first I don’t even notice; I’m wrapped up in my own thoughts, but then it sinks in how much closer he is. Could he? Would he? I mean, I want him to, but now? I wasn’t expecting him to be here, but he’s just here, and he’s closer than a person normally would be.

“You’ve proven that you’re a brave girl just by coming here,” he says gently, “but I can see you shaking. You can’t tell me that it’s just the cold.” He walks closer until he’s right next to me. “You don’t have to worry,” he says in a low voice, “I’ll keep you safe.” He slides his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him.

A part of me is panicking, a part of me is doing a victory dance, and the rest of me gives up and goes numb--waiting to see what happens next before putting any more of my meager energy into reacting. Leaning against the front of his coat, I can smell soap and something spicy that reminds me of pine trees. My eye is squashed against one of the large buttons on his coat, but I don’t care, or at least most of me doesn’t care. His hand is smoothing my hair, and I let myself melt, just a little bit, and lean against him. I’d dreamed of this, but not so suddenly. It’s a good thing that my plans to help him on magically fell through because it looks like he doesn’t need any help.

My mind is racing, and I’m certain that I’m too confused to ever think straight again. How did this happen? How did I get here? How many times can my world turn upside down before I fall off?

On the other hand, I’m not complaining. I try to lean against him naturally without putting too much of my weight on him. If I unwittingly push against him and make him stagger back, then I will have completely ruined everything. And while I have no idea what this means, the one thing I do know is that I can not mess this up.

“It’s your fault, you know,” he murmurs. His breath tickles. “I know how improper this is, but I can’t keep away from you, not while I have this chance. Your allure has cast a spell over me.”

Allure? I have allure? I mean, not that I’m against the idea, but well, I’m not exactly dressed up, and even when I am, then I’m not...but he’s kindled a small, fierce spark in me. I hadn’t realized until this moment just how much I didn’t believe that he could actually love me.

“You have to come with me,” he says. “Now. Right now.”

“Wait, what? Come--”

But then he tips my face upward and is coming closer. I didn’t expect my first kiss to be...to be perfectly honest, I didn’t expect it to be awkward, or confusing. How do you figure out where to put your nose?

“I have my transport,” he says. “We could go somewhere warmer.”

“I can’t go driving for very long,” I tell him. “I have to be back in a few minutes to get ready for church.” I pat his arm, just because I can. “But you could drive me home.

Suddenly we’re standing about a foot apart from each other.

“Kestrel,” he says, looking serious, “you have to promise me not to tell anyone.” He smiles, and it’s like looking at sunshine breaking through clouds. “Not just yet, anyway.”

“Why not?” I take half a step closer and I lean in just a little bit, in case he wants to kiss me again.

He puts his hands on my shoulders. “As much as I want to,” he says. “My father will be angry to find out about you. He has certain expectations for me, and I don’t want to disillusion him right now.”

“He doesn’t like me?”

“It’s not you. It’s just your position.”

Oh. I’m not good enough. I’ve met Boron’s father. I really liked him.

“Don’t look like that,” he says. “I noticed you a long time ago. That’s why I wanted tutoring.”

Not that I want to contradict him, but it comes out of my mouth before I can think, “I thought you needed to speak Galliun so that you could do whatever political hobnobbing you need to when you visit Galliun’s Lap.”

He laughs, though it sounds a little bit forced. Did I say something wrong? I’m always doing that. I think I ask a reasonable question, and people think that I’m funny in that “oh isn’t she odd and cute” way that they do with little kids. I hate that.

“Kestrel! Are you here?”

I jump about a foot away from Boron and I have that sudden feeling of being caught at something. Well, I guess I kind of am. I guess Boron will have to acknowledge his relationship with me sooner than he planned. I can’t say that I’m upset about it.  “Daisy!” I call. “I’m over this way.”

I reach my hand for Boron’s to walk with him toward Daisy, but he doesn’t move. I look back to see what’s wrong, and his face looks gray.

“Are you alright?” I ask him.

“Fine.” He says it too fast, too forcefully. “But I need to get back, and you don’t want to be late for church.” He’s backing away as he says this, but then he pauses to add, “Remember what I said. Don’t tell anyone. Especially not Daisy.”

“Why?”

But he’s already gone. He dashes off through the trees. I watch after him until I catch Daisy out of the corner of my eye. “Well you weren’t exactly helpful,” she complains as she walks up to me.

“Sorry.”

She shrugs. “It’s okay.” She looks around. “I take it that no one was here.”

I hate secrets. I really hate secrets. Do I tell her? Do I not tell her? How do I technically tell the truth but not actually tell the truth? “The search party had already left by the time I got here,” I told her.

Continue on to Chapter 3