[From 200]
[202]
I was right. The goats do need water. I carry my bucket back and forth from the rain barrel. There’s a skin of ice on the top that I have to break through, and I misjudge how low I need to reach down, so my hands get soaked. I try to dry them off on the side of my legs, but that doesn’t help much.
As quickly as I can without spilling, I skuttle with several buckets to the little trough in their pen. They butt at me and try to find something good to eat in my hands or pockets. So after they have enough water, i take a handful of oats from the sack in the corner outside of the pen. For each handful, I offer it to a different goat, three in all. Each one flutters its lips across my palm, catching most of the grain but spilling more than they should. When they've got it all, I take my hand away to pet their bony heads. They settle down to serious chewing.
Maybe I should have been a goat. It would have made life easier. If all I had to worry about was a handful of oats, then I wouldn't have this feeling that something is hanging over me. It's not like something bad is going to happen. It's that I know that something big happened, but I don't know how I feel about it. I haven't figured out what it means, what I think about it. I think I need to go cry about it for a while, but I haven't had time.
There isn't time now, either. My grandmother doesn’t come very often. Why does it have to be today? I should be studying, or I should have a tutorial with Boron, but either way I should be getting something done, not be in this mess.
He was a mess. Sage. I look at my hands. There is still dried blood under my fingernails, embedded in the creases of my skin. Someone must have washed my hands, but of course they could only do so much. I get a partial bucket of cold water and scrub away at my hands until they are half stinging and half numb.
They're clean enough for now. I consider just staying out here, hiding away until everyone quits looking for me, but I know it won't work. Mallee or Feld will come looking for me soon, and then it will all be over. Then I'll spend the rest of the day sitting politely while my mother and Anen argue politely about what Wren, Feld, and I should be doing with our lives. Oh, and Anen will imply that my mother's tastes are too expensive and showy and that if she truly wants to be pious that she should be less materialistic. Then my mother will counter with some hints about my grandmother's unacceptable behavior. Meanwhile, I will drink too many cups of mint tea while I try to keep out of it.
If there is any way out of this day, I'll take it. If only I could spend the day with Daisy. I'd actually have someone to tell about what is going on.
I could call her.
There might be time to sneak in and use the phone before Anen shows up. Of course the law of visiting relatives clearly states that everyone in the family has to be working frantically right up until the last minute, but I could sneak in a call while my mother isn't looking.
I pat the goat head one more time and head quickly back to the house. I make it all the way into the kitchen, first peeking around the corner to make sure that my mother is gone. She must have gone upstairs to check on her hair one last time. I pause for a few seconds to put my hands over the steaming pot. The whole kitchen is warm, but the steam finally thaws my aching fingers enough so that I can twist the crank to start up the phone.
"Hello," I say.
"Oh hello!" The voice comes back. I should have guessed. It's Marigold Sprouts. I may never leave again. "Is this Wren?"
"No, it's Kestrel," I say in a patient voice.
"Oh I thought it was one of you. As soon as I saw your light on the switchboard, I knew it had to be someone from your family. Only I thought that it was more likely to be your mother."
"No, it's me. I was wondering--"
"Of course, you father never does call much, so I didn't think that he wold be on the line. Did your mother say that you could use the phone?"
I gave a sound that might mean positive but wasn't actually saying yes.
"I bet you want to call Daisy, don't you?"
"That's right," I agree as nicely as I can. "Can you put me through?"
"Of course, soon you too will be getting too many calls for solicitations to have time to chat with each other. Am I right?" She chuckled to herself.
"Maybe. We'll have to see, but can I talk to Daisy right now?"
"Of course, I'll put you right through. But I meant to ask your mother something...what was it?"
I didn't hear my mother until she was right behind me. "What's going on?" she demanded. My mother doesn't like us to use the telephone frivolously.
"Uh...Marigold Sprouts had a question for you." I smile and hand the ear piece to her.
Quickly, I head out of the room. That did not go at all well. Since Anen isn't here yet, I could just sneak out. I'd get into a lot of trouble, but it might be worth it.
I get to the front hallway just in time to see Mallee dash to the door and open it. "Hi Anen!" she shrieks.
"Hello, Mallee. You've grown so much since I was last here, and Kestrel, you've grown too, I think. Will the two of you help me find somewhere to put my bag and coat? I want to get settled before your mother has time to lecture me about traveling on a holy day."
"You can go to church with us tonight, and then you'll be okay," Mallee offers.
"Oh I've got a few things to do," she says to Mallee but looks up at me and winks. "I don't suppose that I'll make it to church, but I promise to repent the very next time that I pray."
Mallee doesn't catch the obvious loophole in that and happily hangs Anen's coat in on one of the lower hooks. The coat drags on the floor. It's an atrocious coat, all covered in embroidery. It looks warm, but it wouldn't be worth the ridicule to be that warm. I don't know anyone who wears a coat with a big hood--and this one is lined around the edge with fur. I wonder if she made it herself. She's not a believer in store-bought clothes, so probably.
"Well, you're here," my mother says as she enters the room. "I'm so glad that you made the trip safely--especially today of all days." Her smile is tight and bright--sort of like a knife blade. "Won't you come into the visiting room. I'll send Kestrel for the tea tray." Here I get a meaningful look.
"I'll help!" Mallee offers and skips off to the kitchen. She just learned how, so she skips a lot. I head into the kitchen, but I'm not sure how much of this I can stand.
[203]
I need to get out of here, even if I get in trouble for it later. I'll just send the tray in with Mallee and head off to Daisy's house.
[207]
2) I take a deep breath. I just need to be calm, and I can make it through this. Anen can't stay forever, and I don't really mind seeing her. Life will be a lot calmer in the long run if I'm polite and just tough it out.
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