201

[201]

Should I go chasing out into the night? It wouldn't do any good now, since I don't know where they are, but I'm really worried. How can I possibly know what is going on? I hold Barry's scarf in my hands. My fingers rub over it, stretch the knitted stripes apart and then watch them close back together. I put it to my face. It smells like Barry--or at least, it smells different than anyone in my family does, so I assume that's how he smells. I've never been close enough to him to really know.
I don't want him to be in trouble, and I don't want anyone to die whether I know him or not. Then suddenly, I remember something. Once, Anen, my grandmother was visiting, I saw something. She thought that everyone was off at EI, but I stayed home sick that day. My mother was out in the barn, and I wanted a drink, so I went down to the kitchen. She didn't know that I was there, but I watched as she put some water from the rain barrel into a saucer and then dripped one drop of black ink into the saucer. I couldn't see what she was doing really, but I saw the lights glowing up from the dish onto her face.
She didn't ever see me beacuse I hid and ran back up to my room when she went out the back door to throw the inky water out. As soon as my mother came back, Anen said that she was sorry but that she had to leave early. She said that someone needed her to come help with a project. My mother didn't question her too closely. I think that even then she didn't mind if Anen's visits were short.
Anen saw things in the water. I know she did. Since then I've read stories about greenwomen and scrying. I know what it was; the question is how to do it.
It takes me a minute to bring up a soup bowl, and I hope that water from my wash basin will do. Ink isn't a problem. Once it's ready on my desk, I wrap Barry's scarf around my arm and hold it up to my face. I breath in once, twice, and then I peer into the water and try to focus on Barry.
Nothing happens.
I get so close that my nose almost touches the surface of the water. This isn't fair. Magic isn't supposed to work this way. Magic is about calculations, about power, not about a bowl of dirty water. Where is the power in that?
But Anen did it. I know it's possible. Just because there isn't anyone to teach me doesn't mean that I can't do it. I have to. I can't no know. "Barry," I whisper to the water. "I want to see Barry."
The magic stirs inside me. The experiments I've done with greenwoman magic are exciting, but also kind of scary. It feels like dew collecting all over inside of me. The beads well up and then run together and flow down my arm and to my fingers. Usually it's my fingers, like for making the cup hot.
This time, it's much more complicated. Magic is easy to get to manifest as light or heat. Telling it to show you something specific in a pool of black water is different. With crystals, you use a filter to direct the action for light, heat, or motion. Most filters can't handle anything more complex than that. I can, though. I'm a person, not a copper mesh bag to put a crystal in. I can feel the energy inside of me. I just have to find a way to tell it what to do.
"Show me," I say aloud. "Vidri," I say in Galliun. A flicker of light flashes across the water like a silver fish. I'm on the right track. Maybe if I'm the source, I can use words as my filter. It make sense. The trouble is that I'm out of languages to try.
Or maybe not. There are words, a few of them, that Anen taught me. I don't even know what the language is called. She just said that it's from an old language that people used to speak long ago.
I close my eyes. I picture Barry standing at the door, looking worried. I breath the smell of him in. Where is he? I need to see him. I need to see where his is right now.
"Gweld," I say. Then I open my eyes.
The water is sloshing in the bowl as if I had bumped it, even though I haven't touched it. Light catches the curves of water, more like a reflection than light coming from the water, but light reflecting from what source? Gradually the water stills, and I can see.
There is flickering orange light, fire. It looks as though trees are on fire. It runs together like rain and condenses into one bright spot that grows long. It's as if one drop is running down a window. Or a sword. The light takes the shape of a sword. I can see the orange light of fire on Barry's face as he looks up and then he covers his face with his arm.
"Barry!" I don't realize that I've said it aloud, until I see the light in the hall. Then I realize that I yelled it. A knock on my door.
"Kestrel? Are you all right? Aren't you asleep yet?" It's my father.
I open the door a crack. His face looks tired, worried.
"Sorry, Dad," I tell him.
"Bad dream?"
I give a shrug that implies yes. It's pretty close to a bad dream.  He rubs my head and gives me a hug. "I made some calls. No one has seen anything. We’ll go out at first light."
"Don't--" I try to talk, but I have a hard time getting the words out. "Don't you think that you should go check? What if he really is in trouble?"
He looks at me. "You did the right thing."
The hug warmed me, but his words roll right off me like water on an oiled canvas. "Thanks, Dad," I say anyway.
"Get some sleep."
"Okay."
Once his is gone, I head back to my bowl of water. "Gweld." It comes a little easier this time. The word knowing what it is supposed to do, the magic collects around the sound so that I can almost see the word hanging in the air, spoken and almost shimmering in front of me. Then it moves to the water. It's hard to tell what I see because there is the blue-white light of a lumilamp and black shadow, but they don't combine in any shapes that I recognize. Not at first.
And then I realize what I'm looking at.
There is a young man lying on the floor in a small room. No, it's a tent. He's in a tent just...just like Barry said. They were camping. He said that they were camping. Now I can recognize Barry. His lips are moving, but I can't hear, and I can't tell what he is saying. If only I could read lips.
At least he is alive. I'm so glad that he's alive. When I saw the sword, I thought. Maybe it wasn't true. Maybe this isn't either. Actually, I don't know what any of it means. Could this all just be magic showing me what is in my imagination? Just because it's what Barry said would happen doesn't mean that it's a true vision.
Now I see a girl coming in. Her face looks serious. She hands something to Barry, but he just shakes his head. She puts her hand on his shoulder, and he turns to her.
Then the water ripples, and the image is gone. I realize that I was holding the edge of the bowl and touched my thumb to the water. I should try again. I should say the word and look again, but I'm suddenly so tired. I stand up, but then quickly sit down again, too dizzy to keep my balance. I shake my head a little, but it doesn't help.


The pounding on my door wakes me up. My head is thick, and every whack on the door thumps the inside of my skull.
"Kestrel! Your grandmother called from the Portal. She's on her way. Hurry down! I need your help to get ready."
Fortunately, my mother doesn't insist on coming in, or she would see me in the same clothes I was wearing yesterday, with the corner of my book stamped into my cheek. "Okay, Mom." I try to say it loudly enough that she can hear it without splitting my own head in two. My mouth feels sticky and dry.
Now the only question is if I should forget what I saw until I hear from my dad. Why is Anen coming today? She hardly ever visits any more, and never without lots of advance planning. I don't know if I can wait until after her visit to find out if what I saw was true.

1) I hurry and change my clothes so that I can go downstairs to help. The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can find out what I need to know. Trying to sneak out will only cause trouble and end up getting me stuck at home all day.

2) I shove on my boots and open the door. If I creep down quietly, I'll be able to sneak out before she sees me. If I hurry, I can get some information and get back in the time that I should be doing my chores in the barn. No one will be the wiser.